Hawaiian Pizza Creator Dies (And Other News)


Hey!  This is a fun little article on the stuff we talked about on today’s episode of the Monday Show, which you can find here:

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…or anywhere else fine podcasts can be found!


Grave Dancing – The Creator of the Hawaiian Pizza (Sam Panopoulos) Died

Because I’m a professional, I won’t contradict the official opinion of Unpops that pineapple on pizza is an atrocity against cuisine and humankind in general (even though that opinion is wrong and Hawaiian is the best of all the pizzas).

This being the official Unpops stance, there was some nearly-inappropriate discussion of the death of a real human being named Sam Panopoulos today on the Monday Show, as the man who created the Hawaiian pizza has passed away at 83.

When the BBC interviewed him about his invention, he said “We just put it on, just for the fun of it, see how it was going to taste.” Which, I will admit, does not give me a lot of confidence in the culinary integrity of the result.  Neither does the fact that the Hawaiian pizza was actually invented in Canada, by a Greek man.


If I Was King – The Olympics Need a Permanent Home

This week’s “If I Was King” segment focuses on the Olympics, a favorite topic of Unpops since that whole Zika-ridden mess in Brazil last year.  Adam really doesn’t want the 2024 Summer Olympics to come to Los Angeles and instead is proposing we scrap the whole moving-around thing and just find the Olympics a permanent host.

Like Greece.  They started the whole thing, after all.  This is on them.


Conspiracy Theorizing – DJ Khaled Is a Front

Fact: Nobody knows what DJ Khaled actually does.

On paper he’s a producer, but he rarely (if ever) actually makes beats or produces songs. He doesn’t rap. He doesn’t write music. But he constantly puts out hugely successful singles, featuring the biggest guests imaginable. His new album has freaking Jay-Z, Beyoncé and Justin Bieber on it, and that’s just a few of the names. There are at least 20 other guest artists on this one album alone.

What’s crazy is these people are all taking featured artist money for doing guest artist work, because in theory, DJ Khaled is the “lead artist” on every song. But he’s not. He just yells out ad-libs from time to time. He’s absolutely one of those “famous for being famous” stories but no one gets mad about it because he’s not a woman.

Here’s the theory: he’s a front for a money laundering operation.  Some drug dealer in Miami with a ton of cash who needs to look like he’s moving it legally is funneling it through DJ Khaled (somehow).  He’s like a bodega with nothing on the shelves.

We’re convinced.

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About the Author
Samantha Clarke is a writer, blogger and comedian who helps Adam Tod Brown out with the dirty work. You can find her own writing on her newsletter, substack.goodworks.com, or buy her poetry books on amazon.com/author/samanthaclarke